Growth.

 "Then you will call upon me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:12-13

 

Growth is a wonderful, but strange process. It has been QUITE awhile since I have posted a blog. Many things have happened in the mean time.

When I started this blog, I was recently married and had just finished college. My husband and I were moving from apartment to rent house, trying to get our feet on the ground. At the time I found it fitting to name my blog “Growing Up.” Although I do believe I am still growing up, today I decided to change the name simply to “Growing.” This one word truly symbolizes what we have been doing over the past year (in more ways than one).

One thing I believe the Lord is teaching me time and time again is to give Him control and allow Him to lead. His plans and ideas are always sooo much better than what we come up with on our own, but we only find them when we seek His guidance and lay down our own expectations.

I spent the past school year as a computer science teacher (clearly not my idea!) and really enjoyed it. When I was hired at Parklane, I was excited to be a part of such a wonderful school. I was welcomed by the faculty with open arms and surrounded by friendly co-workers. I also had found a place to be involved in the lives of teenagers (although I was not titled “counselor” or “therapist”). With this position I had found a sense of peace, I was right where the Lord wanted me to be.

It was towards the end of the school year when I said to my husband, “I wonder if God has just created me to temporarily fill spaces... Maybe I was made to be constantly ready for change.” This conversation started after battling with ideas that something was wrong with me! I once again began to feel like God was calling me away from my place of comfort, and I was not ready to give it up.

After struggling against this for weeks and constant (mental) debate… I made my decision. I will just stay another year. The contract was signed, decision made.

Good call, Jess!

Very little time went by before I realized I had made the wrong choice. Why did I feel this way?? I thought I had prayed about this!?

It was at this point that I completely handed the reigns over to God. Yes, I had prayed… but I still wanted to feel in control. Once I began to truly listen and dig into His Word, I felt His guidance become so real.

You see, God taught me something big right here. I did not want to leave for two big reasons. For one, there was no reason! “God just give me a reason to leave and I will go!” I desperately wanted an explanation. “What am I going to tell everyone?” There was no other job opportunity, no specific place I was needed. No explanation.

The second reason I was scared to go was this… I really enjoy making extra money for our household. Yep, I said it. Money was my number two reason I was scared to follow God’s lead.

After a hard week, constant prayer, and plenty of encouragement from my husband… I accepted the fact that God was calling me to leave my position and told Kevin that night I had made my decision. I had no excuse or reason, I just knew He had purpose behind it.

That was a Wednesday. On Friday I found out I was pregnant.

God does not always allow us to see what is on the other side of obedience. Sometimes He simply wants us to step out completely on faith, letting go of our doubts and the fear of what others will think about our choices. See, I had prayed and prayed for a reason to follow His lead, but it was only after I chose to trust Him that He showed me I had a great reason!

Kevin and I have always hoped that I would have the opportunity to stay at home with our babies. God’s sovereignty works everything out according to His plan to “prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (from Jeremiah 29:11)

I spent a great year at Parklane Academy. Here I found precious friendships, spent time with teenagers, began a leadership group with 8^th grade girls, saw kids come to know and worship the Lord, and enjoyed the experience of working in a private school. Who knows… God may call me back one day!

I will be on the look out for a part-time job, but for now I am going to enjoy preparing for the next stage in the life of the Callender family. Kevin and I are so excited about this little baby and the growth it will bring to our family. We find out the gender in July. Praying for a healthy child to arrive in December!

 

 

"Concentrate on keeping in step with Me, instead of trying to anticipate my plans for you. If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment." --Jesus Calling

 

Only Trust Him.

This is a post I had written in October 2012. I'm not sure why it never published!

 

 

“I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.” Psalm 116:1-2

“The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simple-hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” Psalm 116: 5-7

 
Trust:

A) assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

B) one in which confidence is placed

C) dependence on something future or contingent : hope

D) to hope or expect confidently

The Lord has blessed my husband and I abundantly. We have been blessed all of our lives with His provision, protection, and love; but lately we have seen Him move in our lives in outstanding ways.

Coming out of grad school, I felt like I was given a plan on how to become this “therapist.” I had spent 2 years in training for this and I hit the ground running. I had to find a job RIGHT NOW and I had to finish completing my license ASAP so that I could be this person I had trained to be.

As my previous posts reflect, that did not work out so well.

See, I was at a point in my life where I was anxious to “grow up.” I wanted to join the working world, make my own money, and get my life on a schedule like everyone else. I “needed” to prove to others that I could do it. I “needed” to find fulfillment and satisfaction in my work. I “needed” to start making extra money so that we could spend it freely on the things we “need.” I was seeking to follow the complicated patterns of this world. I made very little attempt to slow down and listen to my heart or the Spirit within me. I did not have time!

It has now been a year after I finished school, a year after I became a working “grown up,” and I am realizing more and more how my human nature tends to make life so complicated.

As humans we worry and take on unnecessary stress on a daily basis. We want more than we have. We often spend more time thinking about what someone else may think or say about us than what we know to be true of ourselves. We tend to long for the next big thing, rushing through the moments we have right now. We want to be involved in more activities, then complain that there are not enough hours in the day.

Kevin and I had been looking for a place to call home since we moved to McComb in July 2011. We had been inside house after house and talked to multiple realtors. We made offers that did not work out and attempts to talk ourselves into homes that we were not really satisfied with.

Meanwhile I had quit my first job and began seeking something else to do with my life. I knew I felt compelled to work in a school system but really did not see how I could fit my training in to any of the local schools. I felt called to work with people but could not seem to find the right way to implement this calling. Talk about a rollercoaster of stress and worry.

The month of July in 2012 will always be remembered as a turning point in my life and in Kevin’s. On July 12^th, a Thursday morning, a realtor we had met in a past house-hunt called Kevin. He had a house in mind for us and watching it, waiting on it to go on the market (all of this without our knowledge). The deal was incredible and we put a bid in on it that very night. The following Monday morning I received a call from Parklane Academy requesting an interview. This was followed by a job offer to teach computer classes starting the next week. I accepted.

Kevin and I closed on the house on September 19^th. I wish I could put into words the story behind this house and the way that God gave it to us. He saved this spot for us and was growing our faith in the process. The Lord truly taught us about trust as we waited out the house-buying process and He used the realtor, a man of God that we will never forget, to touch our lives along the way. I wish I could give Him enough glory and praise for His plans. His plans are so much higher and stronger than ours; so much smarter. Our Father has humbled us and blessed us all at once.

Oh, I should also mention that I truly love my job. Yes, I receive questions such as “Why are you teaching computer? Aren’t you a counselor or something??” on a daily basis. My response is usually this. “Strange, huh? Only God can explain that one!”

The truth is, I do not know why I am teaching computer classes. But I do know I entered a door my Heavenly Father opened for me, I do not dread getting up and going to work in the mornings, and I get to be involved in the lives of young people. I am trusting that He has a reason for where I am at right now that will make sense later and enjoying it while I am here.

So what I am truly sharing today is the peace I have found, the relief of stress and worry, and the faith the Lord is growing in the hearts of my husband and I. What a relief it is to know He will carry us when we stop trying to fix it ourselves. We cannot fix it ourselves.

Be still.

The peace God brings in this life is indescribable… And the ways in which He does this is even mysterious at times.

Peace:

A)     a state of tranquility or quiet

B)      freedom from disquieting  or oppressive thoughts or emotions

C)      harmony in personal relationships

Flowers, birds, garden, cows.

These are a few of my new favorite things that surround our little rent house in the country. Yes, Kevin and I have moved again… only this time it was not to an apartment surrounded by cement parking lots and there is no sound of the interstate in the background. Actually, we now live in a small house placed on a hill alongside (more like in) a cow pasture… Talk about a change.

Although this is way different than the apartment life I have lived for the past six years, this feels so much more like home.

My first squash!

My little garden box  :)

Most know that I grew up on a gravel road, in the country, 15 miles from the nearest town. Our grandparents were the neighbors and Walmart was an hour away. Once I left for college I quickly began to enjoy the life of independence and living in a big town. My “plan” was to stay, finish school, get married, and begin a career.

My grandmother, as well as my mother, like to say, “Man makes plans and God smiles.”

Slowly but surely the Lord has used stepping stones to bring Kevin and I closer and closer to home. Only He knows whether or not we will be staying in this area for good or if this is just another part of His plan to get us to the place we will settle down. So, I am doing my best to embrace the place He has me and my husband and, in that, He has provided a peace here that I cannot explain.

Kevin and I have been married for a year now. On May 21^st we celebrated our anniversary by going to dinner and, yes, getting the top of our wedding cake out of the freezer. It is crazy to me just how many twists and turns and life events can be packed into 12 months. Although it does not always seem like it, when we look back over the past year of our lives we can see so much change that has happened. This can feel a little overwhelming, but I also find it encouraging to know that the Lord is constantly working and we cannot always see it until we are looking back and reflecting on the what is now the past.

Tasted better than you would think!

Romans 15:13

We have officially moved three times in our first year of marriage and we still anticipate another move in the next year.

It can get a bit stressful from time to time, but the Lord is really teaching me to be still and just be where we are right now. So for now I am just embracing the circumstances and enjoying being close to family. This is a kind of peace that you can find nowhere other than resting in the knowledge that God has the ultimate plan for our life and does not need my assistance in the planning process.  :) 
Thank goodness.

Trust.

"The more my trust rests in God, the less I trust myself." A.W. Tozer

I came across this quote this morning and felt as if it would be a good one to share. A good friend of mine introduced me to reading books by Tozer. Though his thoughts are deep and sometimes heavy, I am usually challenged by his words.

The definition of trust (according to merriam-webster.com) is:

a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

b: one in which confidence is placed

The more I seek God's will for my life and try my best to trust it, the less confidence I seem to have in my own abilities and strength apart from Him and His guidance. No, I am not always good at this and often make it harder than it has to be because I naturally like to do things on my own and I also tend to be a constant worrier; but it says in Jeremiah that placing our confidence in the Lord is freeing and give us strength to face our fears or whatever comes our way.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:7-8

Wait.

Defintion of Waiting:

a) to stay in place in expectation of
b) to remain stationary in readiness or expectation
c) to look forward expectantly or to hold back expectantly
d) to be ready and available

Over the last couple of months I have spent alot of time hanging out with... myself. I mean, not working has meant I have, of course, been able to spend more time with Kevin, visit friends that live too many miles away, see more of my family and watch my baby niece grow; but most of all I have been by myself.

Waiting for George Strait at the Cajun Dome

Addie after bathtime at her GiGi's

The past six years of my life I have been in school and surrounded by people. Between sharing my home with my roommate in college, spending as much time with Kevin as possible, driving home every other weekend, and living at the clinic during grad school, there was very little down time... and I was okay with that!

So over the past three months I have had the joy of learning to be okay with just the opposite. I have had to learn... well... what in the world do you do with a day when there is no school and no job?? Oh do not get me wrong, the first several weeks were wooooonderful, but as I have mentioned before, after a while this can become difficult to have a whole week in front of you with no particular place to be other than the grocery store.

Though it has been difficult and though some days I have felt like I was losing my mind, it is kind of amazing what the Lord will do when you just sit still and give Him your attention. I have had some of the best conversations with some people that God has strategically placed in my life who are either in similar positions or can relate to the struggle of waiting on the Lord's timing. I have been able to volunteer some time at different places and become involved in a ministry at our church (Kevin and I joined First Baptist Summit in the beginning of January and that has been the biggest blessing in our lives since we moved to McComb). Also I have been able to spend more time reading His Word and learning a deeper meaning of His ultimate purpose for us. God has really used this down time to fill me and give me a different focus.

I do believe that there are some doors opening up. I believe that all of this time has been preparing me for the next step. I have been able to make some dreams I have for the future a little more concrete and I have been able to make a more informed choice about the next position I take.

I have also learned to enjoy (or been able to enjoy again) doing some things on my own. I really really love to cook and try new recipes. I love to read. I enjoy painting... and other such projects from the latest pinterest craze! I also have found that I enjoy pilates and have been able to go walking more often. Oh and tomorrow I will complete week 2 of the 8-week Couch to 5k challenge.... we will see how that goes!

I believe that God plants desires and hopes and dreams in us with purpose, but I also believe that we must seek Him, wait, and be ready and available to act when His timing is right.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

one place I enjoy walking

Decisions.

Every decision we make leads to the next.  It seems as if every time we make a big decision, expecting peace of mind or calmness for a moment in time, there is typically another choice to be determined close around the corner.

Since I was married in May, Kevin moved to Hattiesburg with me while I was in school, I found a job I wanted to take in Brookhaven, Kevin took the job he wanted all along back home, we moved in less than a week, I graduated school and left a family of close friends, I cried, I began work, I cried, 4 months later God led me to leave my job, we almost bought two houses and are now staying in our apartment a little longer, and now I am diligently looking for the next step. Each of these events were and are surrounded by weighing our options, making sacrifices, making a decision and adjusting to it. We have been married 7 months and it feels like two years.

Our graduation in August: Marriage and Family Therapists Class of 2011!

Currently, I make a decision each day of how I will spend my time. Somehow... over the six weeks I have been home, I have managed to fill all but a handful of days with busy-ness. When I really sit back and think about how I prefer to keep my mind occupied on something (ANYTHING!) I wonder why that is. Why is it so hard to be still and comfortable with the way things are for this season in my life?

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build....

  a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up,
  a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend,
  a time to be silent and a time to speak....

  He has made everything beautiful in its own time..."      Ecclesiastes 3:1-3, 5-7, 11

  No matter how much we stress, how much we wonder and reason, no matter what we think we need or want right this minute, I believe God's timing is not something we can rush. I do believe that decisions and circumstances have led us each to the season we are in today, but I also believe there is more to it than that.

When I think back over choices, decisions and challenges I have faced over the last few years of my life, I think I may be challenged right now more than ever. I am being faced with the challenge to be still and accept this season that God has for me right now. This time of having no job and often at home by myself during the day. This season seems to steal purpose and identity that I had created for myself over the last few years right out of my hands, out from under my feet. It leaves me wondering and questioning during quiet moments. It sometimes feels nice to have no schedule and sometimes scary. Sometimes, it kind of makes me feel crazy. But....

If I have learned anything during my walk with the Lord, I have learned that His timing is waaaaaaay smarter than mine. So for now, I guess I am goingto do all I can to keep my eyes open to opportunity and my ears open to His voice, I am going to try to remain calm, I am going to spend time with family and friends, I am going to being a wife and I am going to keep attempting to paint.... Until the next decisions surfaces!


"We must open our eyes to see that whatever does not begin in God and end in God is not worthy of our attention..." ~A.W. Tozer~

Simple.

Simplicity:

--the state, quality, or an instance of being simple.

 --freedom from complexity, intricacy, or division into parts

(dictionary.com)

Something that I have come to realize in recent weeks is how easy it is when we dream big and focus on the future to lose sight of what is real and simple and natural in our lives.

I spent some quiet time in the woods this weekend as I sat in the deer stand with my husband. During those hours I began thinking about the fast pace of life and where it has taken me over the past months and years since I have been a "grown up".... and I also thought about trees...

Trees are something I have been around and heard conversation about all my life while growing up in the woods and in a family that has been logging for generations. Trees are common and numerous and are found along the highway, in yards, in pots and of course in forests. Some stand alone and some bunch close together. As years pass and seasons shift, the months bring on various circumstances including wind and rain and sunshine and heat and ice. Trees experience conditions that can change and impact their appearance, growth, and strength.

What it was that really hit me when I was thinking about trees was, though their age, height, width, and colors may change as they experience life, their roots are always the same. Roots are where the plant originates from. It allows the tree to plant into the soil and gain what it needs to grow. Roots are their from such an early stage in the tree's life.They are sturdy and steady, they hold the tree still and safe throughout the weather; whether it be sunshine or storms. Roots provide the tree a firm base so that it can reach up into the world and allow it to stand tall. The tree may lean or pull away from the roots or limbs may become broken, but the roots do not go anywhere. The strength of the roots may be tested by wind and deprived by drought, but more often than not the roots still remain in place.

Why am I so interested in roots and trees?? It is this. I am realizing that God gave me specific roots. I am realizing that who I am in relation to this world can be altered, but my core is exactly what the Lord has provided me with to hold me steady. My appearance, my perspectives, my insight and knowledge, my possessions, my careers, these can all be altered as we go through and experience life. But there is a part of us that we sometimes forget to acknowledge, a part that we did not choose, a part that is solid and unchanging; our base.

Sometimes life seems to take me away from what is simple. What is necessary and important. What is free from complexity and intricacy. What is the basis of who I am and where I came from. No matter how much formal education I receive, no matter how far I live from my original home out in the country, no matter who I meet or what hobbies I develop, my roots still stand. My core is still what the Lord created it to be. There is no running from that.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:13-16

Right now, I am in awe of that which is simple. I am slowing down and taking in what is real, what is of the Lord, and realizing what is important. There is much to say for the efforts placed in what we do with our lives, whether we have the opportunity to develop a dream career or invest our time into something else. These things are only good and fulfilling when they connect with our inmost being; only meaningful when they build on who we are. It is the simple things that keep us in touch with our roots.