Trust.

"The more my trust rests in God, the less I trust myself." A.W. Tozer

I came across this quote this morning and felt as if it would be a good one to share. A good friend of mine introduced me to reading books by Tozer. Though his thoughts are deep and sometimes heavy, I am usually challenged by his words.

The definition of trust (according to merriam-webster.com) is:

a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

b: one in which confidence is placed

The more I seek God's will for my life and try my best to trust it, the less confidence I seem to have in my own abilities and strength apart from Him and His guidance. No, I am not always good at this and often make it harder than it has to be because I naturally like to do things on my own and I also tend to be a constant worrier; but it says in Jeremiah that placing our confidence in the Lord is freeing and give us strength to face our fears or whatever comes our way.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:7-8

Wait.

Defintion of Waiting:

a) to stay in place in expectation of
b) to remain stationary in readiness or expectation
c) to look forward expectantly or to hold back expectantly
d) to be ready and available

Over the last couple of months I have spent alot of time hanging out with... myself. I mean, not working has meant I have, of course, been able to spend more time with Kevin, visit friends that live too many miles away, see more of my family and watch my baby niece grow; but most of all I have been by myself.

Waiting for George Strait at the Cajun Dome

Addie after bathtime at her GiGi's

The past six years of my life I have been in school and surrounded by people. Between sharing my home with my roommate in college, spending as much time with Kevin as possible, driving home every other weekend, and living at the clinic during grad school, there was very little down time... and I was okay with that!

So over the past three months I have had the joy of learning to be okay with just the opposite. I have had to learn... well... what in the world do you do with a day when there is no school and no job?? Oh do not get me wrong, the first several weeks were wooooonderful, but as I have mentioned before, after a while this can become difficult to have a whole week in front of you with no particular place to be other than the grocery store.

Though it has been difficult and though some days I have felt like I was losing my mind, it is kind of amazing what the Lord will do when you just sit still and give Him your attention. I have had some of the best conversations with some people that God has strategically placed in my life who are either in similar positions or can relate to the struggle of waiting on the Lord's timing. I have been able to volunteer some time at different places and become involved in a ministry at our church (Kevin and I joined First Baptist Summit in the beginning of January and that has been the biggest blessing in our lives since we moved to McComb). Also I have been able to spend more time reading His Word and learning a deeper meaning of His ultimate purpose for us. God has really used this down time to fill me and give me a different focus.

I do believe that there are some doors opening up. I believe that all of this time has been preparing me for the next step. I have been able to make some dreams I have for the future a little more concrete and I have been able to make a more informed choice about the next position I take.

I have also learned to enjoy (or been able to enjoy again) doing some things on my own. I really really love to cook and try new recipes. I love to read. I enjoy painting... and other such projects from the latest pinterest craze! I also have found that I enjoy pilates and have been able to go walking more often. Oh and tomorrow I will complete week 2 of the 8-week Couch to 5k challenge.... we will see how that goes!

I believe that God plants desires and hopes and dreams in us with purpose, but I also believe that we must seek Him, wait, and be ready and available to act when His timing is right.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

one place I enjoy walking

Decisions.

Every decision we make leads to the next.  It seems as if every time we make a big decision, expecting peace of mind or calmness for a moment in time, there is typically another choice to be determined close around the corner.

Since I was married in May, Kevin moved to Hattiesburg with me while I was in school, I found a job I wanted to take in Brookhaven, Kevin took the job he wanted all along back home, we moved in less than a week, I graduated school and left a family of close friends, I cried, I began work, I cried, 4 months later God led me to leave my job, we almost bought two houses and are now staying in our apartment a little longer, and now I am diligently looking for the next step. Each of these events were and are surrounded by weighing our options, making sacrifices, making a decision and adjusting to it. We have been married 7 months and it feels like two years.

Our graduation in August: Marriage and Family Therapists Class of 2011!

Currently, I make a decision each day of how I will spend my time. Somehow... over the six weeks I have been home, I have managed to fill all but a handful of days with busy-ness. When I really sit back and think about how I prefer to keep my mind occupied on something (ANYTHING!) I wonder why that is. Why is it so hard to be still and comfortable with the way things are for this season in my life?

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build....

  a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up,
  a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend,
  a time to be silent and a time to speak....

  He has made everything beautiful in its own time..."      Ecclesiastes 3:1-3, 5-7, 11

  No matter how much we stress, how much we wonder and reason, no matter what we think we need or want right this minute, I believe God's timing is not something we can rush. I do believe that decisions and circumstances have led us each to the season we are in today, but I also believe there is more to it than that.

When I think back over choices, decisions and challenges I have faced over the last few years of my life, I think I may be challenged right now more than ever. I am being faced with the challenge to be still and accept this season that God has for me right now. This time of having no job and often at home by myself during the day. This season seems to steal purpose and identity that I had created for myself over the last few years right out of my hands, out from under my feet. It leaves me wondering and questioning during quiet moments. It sometimes feels nice to have no schedule and sometimes scary. Sometimes, it kind of makes me feel crazy. But....

If I have learned anything during my walk with the Lord, I have learned that His timing is waaaaaaay smarter than mine. So for now, I guess I am goingto do all I can to keep my eyes open to opportunity and my ears open to His voice, I am going to try to remain calm, I am going to spend time with family and friends, I am going to being a wife and I am going to keep attempting to paint.... Until the next decisions surfaces!


"We must open our eyes to see that whatever does not begin in God and end in God is not worthy of our attention..." ~A.W. Tozer~

Simple.

Simplicity:

--the state, quality, or an instance of being simple.

 --freedom from complexity, intricacy, or division into parts

(dictionary.com)

Something that I have come to realize in recent weeks is how easy it is when we dream big and focus on the future to lose sight of what is real and simple and natural in our lives.

I spent some quiet time in the woods this weekend as I sat in the deer stand with my husband. During those hours I began thinking about the fast pace of life and where it has taken me over the past months and years since I have been a "grown up".... and I also thought about trees...

Trees are something I have been around and heard conversation about all my life while growing up in the woods and in a family that has been logging for generations. Trees are common and numerous and are found along the highway, in yards, in pots and of course in forests. Some stand alone and some bunch close together. As years pass and seasons shift, the months bring on various circumstances including wind and rain and sunshine and heat and ice. Trees experience conditions that can change and impact their appearance, growth, and strength.

What it was that really hit me when I was thinking about trees was, though their age, height, width, and colors may change as they experience life, their roots are always the same. Roots are where the plant originates from. It allows the tree to plant into the soil and gain what it needs to grow. Roots are their from such an early stage in the tree's life.They are sturdy and steady, they hold the tree still and safe throughout the weather; whether it be sunshine or storms. Roots provide the tree a firm base so that it can reach up into the world and allow it to stand tall. The tree may lean or pull away from the roots or limbs may become broken, but the roots do not go anywhere. The strength of the roots may be tested by wind and deprived by drought, but more often than not the roots still remain in place.

Why am I so interested in roots and trees?? It is this. I am realizing that God gave me specific roots. I am realizing that who I am in relation to this world can be altered, but my core is exactly what the Lord has provided me with to hold me steady. My appearance, my perspectives, my insight and knowledge, my possessions, my careers, these can all be altered as we go through and experience life. But there is a part of us that we sometimes forget to acknowledge, a part that we did not choose, a part that is solid and unchanging; our base.

Sometimes life seems to take me away from what is simple. What is necessary and important. What is free from complexity and intricacy. What is the basis of who I am and where I came from. No matter how much formal education I receive, no matter how far I live from my original home out in the country, no matter who I meet or what hobbies I develop, my roots still stand. My core is still what the Lord created it to be. There is no running from that.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:13-16

Right now, I am in awe of that which is simple. I am slowing down and taking in what is real, what is of the Lord, and realizing what is important. There is much to say for the efforts placed in what we do with our lives, whether we have the opportunity to develop a dream career or invest our time into something else. These things are only good and fulfilling when they connect with our inmost being; only meaningful when they build on who we are. It is the simple things that keep us in touch with our roots.

Four Months in....

Wow. Today marks the day that I have been married to my husband for four months. It seems like just a second ago that we met and were getting to know each other, when I was so carefree and enjoying my college years. Now I have a Master's degree, a big girl job, bills, and a marriage. I have spent the past four months learning, working through life's challenges, and making decisions with my best friend.

What a blessing this is from the Lord, to have someone to walk through this life with, to step into the adult world beside me, someone who encourages me to seek out my dreams and who believes in me. These past few months have been difficult and confusing, but it has been such a gift to share those trying times with my husband.

Sometimes I get lost in thought wondering where in the world I left childhood, just being a kid and a teenager, into being an adult. Time passes so fast. There is no slowing it down, no stopping it. Routine takes over and before I can blink weeks are flying past me.

Today is not only my four month anniversary of marriage, but it is my precious niece's first birthday. It has been one year since that day she entered the world and changed our family's world. When did I become old enough to be an aunt?? It is so crazy to me that my parents are grandparents and that my brother now has a one year old. This is what I mean by "when did we become grown-ups?" Talking with my little brother last night was a reminder of our childhood, just yesterday it seems my two brothers and I were having adventures "exploring" the woods and playing in mud and riding our bikes up and down the driveway. Now we are buying birthday presents for the next generation of Netterville's.

The challenge for me in all of this is not to attempt to slow time down, (that would be a lost cause), but to begin to slow my mind and my busy-ness down enough to enjoy the beauty in these moments. Yes I am ready to get settled into a house and for my husband and I to "find our place" in this world, but why rush through these months that I am blessed with right now? Eventually, these days of rushing back and forth to work and coming home to our tiny apartment and watching TV on our one hand-me-down couch will be distant memories that we think back over and smile. Addie will be a teenager before we know it and all we will have to remember her first birthday will be pictures.

So when did I become a grown-up? I am not really sure what that means. I think that growing up is a continuous part of life that will not stop simply because I am now married, an aunt, and working 40 hour weeks. The real question is, when will I begin to slow down the rush that is my life long enough to take in the blessings that surround me? The time is now. Living for the past or living for the future... I don't know if those are really options. Living for right now? That is the real challenge.