"Then you will call upon me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:12-13
Growth is a wonderful, but strange process. It has been
QUITE awhile since I have posted a blog. Many things have happened in the mean
time.
When I started this blog, I was recently married and had
just finished college. My husband and I were moving from apartment to rent
house, trying to get our feet on the ground. At the time I found it fitting to name
my blog “Growing Up.” Although I do believe I am still growing up, today I
decided to change the name simply to “Growing.” This one word truly symbolizes what
we have been doing over the past year (in more ways than one).
One thing I believe the Lord is teaching me time and time
again is to give Him control and allow Him to lead. His plans and ideas are
always sooo much better than what we come up with on our own, but we only find
them when we seek His guidance and lay down our own expectations.
I spent the past school year as a computer science teacher
(clearly not my idea!) and really enjoyed it. When I was hired at Parklane, I
was excited to be a part of such a wonderful school. I was welcomed by the
faculty with open arms and surrounded by friendly co-workers. I also had found
a place to be involved in the lives of teenagers (although I was not titled “counselor”
or “therapist”). With this position I had found a sense of peace, I was right
where the Lord wanted me to be.
It was towards the end of the school year when I said to my
husband, “I wonder if God has just created me to temporarily fill spaces...
Maybe I was made to be constantly ready for change.” This conversation started
after battling with ideas that something was wrong with me! I once again began
to feel like God was calling me away from my place of comfort, and I was not
ready to give it up.
After struggling against this for weeks and constant (mental)
debate… I made my decision. I will just stay another year. The contract was
signed, decision made.
Good call, Jess!
Very little time went by before I realized I had made the
wrong choice. Why did I feel this way?? I thought I had prayed about this!?
It was at this point that I completely handed the reigns
over to God. Yes, I had prayed… but I still wanted to feel in control. Once I
began to truly listen and dig into His Word, I felt His guidance become so
real.
You see, God taught me something big right here. I did not
want to leave for two big reasons. For one, there was no reason! “God just give
me a reason to leave and I will go!” I desperately wanted an explanation. “What
am I going to tell everyone?” There was no other job opportunity, no specific
place I was needed. No explanation.
The second reason I was scared to go was this… I really
enjoy making extra money for our household. Yep, I said it. Money was my number
two reason I was scared to follow God’s lead.
After a hard week, constant prayer, and plenty of
encouragement from my husband… I accepted the fact that God was calling me to
leave my position and told Kevin that night I had made my decision. I had no
excuse or reason, I just knew He had purpose behind it.
That was a Wednesday. On Friday I found out I was pregnant.
God does not always allow us to see what is on the other
side of obedience. Sometimes He simply wants us to step out completely on
faith, letting go of our doubts and the fear of what others will think about
our choices. See, I had prayed and prayed for a reason to follow His lead, but it was only after I chose to trust Him that He showed me I had a great reason!
Kevin and I have always hoped that I would have the
opportunity to stay at home with our babies. God’s sovereignty works everything
out according to His plan to “prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future.” (from Jeremiah 29:11)
I spent a great year at Parklane Academy. Here I found
precious friendships, spent time with teenagers, began a leadership group with
8th grade girls, saw kids come to know and worship the Lord, and enjoyed
the experience of working in a private school. Who knows… God may call me back
one day!
I will be on the look out for a part-time job, but for now I am going to enjoy preparing for the next stage
in the life of the Callender family. Kevin and I are so excited about this little baby and the growth it will bring to our family. We find out the gender in July. Praying for a healthy child to arrive in
December!
"Concentrate on keeping in step with Me, instead of trying to anticipate my plans for you. If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment." --Jesus Calling
